It isn't always easy to move in with another person. It may be impractical to get rid of everything and buy new. The most common practice is to merge the two households. Keep reading for tips on merging that will lead to a happy home instead of a divided, uncoordinated and hodgepodged mess.
Step 1
Be realistic and practical about your relationship. Are you just moving in together? Are you engaged but skeptical about marriage being a reality? Have you set a wedding date or are you already married? Unless there is a major commitment you should use caution before sacrificing your prized positions to squeeze it all under one roof.
Step 2
Avoid making assumptions about what will stay and what will go. Just because you've made it clear you don't like something doesn't mean the person understands you simply cannot live with it. Once you talk about certain pieces of furnishings you may agree that you both dislike it and it isn't sentimental after all.
Step 3
Set aside time to go through both homes and discuss items that are must haves and the items that are negotiable. Don't rush this process but don't toil over every decision. You can always change your mind and adjust as you go.
- His favorite arm chair may not be a required keeper or it may be his throne. You won't know until you discuss it.
- She may be attached to her floral bedding ensemble but not realize it's too feminine. Talk about everything.
Step 4
Take notes of each other's opinions so you don't second guess yourself later. You can also look at the master plan to find room for compromise.
- There will be lots of items up for discussion and you may lose track of what will be kept or relocated.
- It will give you a reference when you're at home looking at your things and have time to contemplate the merge.
- It's a great list to carry with you when you are looking for a place to share (if you aren't moving into an existing home) or when you look for decorative pieces to help tie your decors together.
Step 5
Appreciate the other person may have a change of mind about certain items. It's a discussion and not a contract set in stone. Merging is a process.
Step 6
Take inventory of the larger furniture and appliances first.
- These will require the most space in your joint home.
- These items are often more valuable.
- It make take time to sell or move pieces that won't fit or merge
- Try to keep items that are newer, coordinate better or have warranties.
Step 7
Make a list of smaller items such as electronics, linen items, kitchen gadgets and tools, lawn and gardening care and holiday items. Writing down everything can be excessive but try to jot down items that are likely duplicates, keepers vs. trash, etc.
Step 8
Keep a notebook with photos of big items.
- Include measurements of larger pieces and items that will be difficult to place.
- Measure the rooms of where you will be living as soon as you can. That gigantic piece of furniture may not fit and the walls or floor may clash with one of your decors. Sometimes things have a way of deciding themselves.
- Keep swatches cut from the underneath of couches, chairs and upholstered pieces. It will be easier to tell if items match or not before having to move them.
Step 9
Discuss what items may duplicate and decide which item to keep and which must go.
Step 10
Remember it is much easier to get rid of things before you pack and move. Your merge will be easier if you make the decisions before you start squeezing in items that don't work.
Step 11
Start mentally moving and deciding what things will stay and where they will go.
- Use pen and paper and try to lay out the new home and furnishings.
- Polaroids or digital photos are a great way to focus on all the items at hand.
- Think about furniture pieces individually instead of their current arrangement.
Step 12
Hold off on tossing well made furniture and decorative pieces.
- Think quality and value before considering the color or finish.
- It may be better in the long run to have furniture recovered. A good upholstery shop can not only change the fabric but they can add or remove padding to change the shape. A good one can remove details to change it from a more traditional to a contemporary or other style.
- You may end up with a higher quality custom selection that looks better than a store bought ensemble.
- You'll have a chance to pick fabrics together and there's a better chance of finding something that ties your taste together.
- It may be a great compromise on getting rid of his favorite chair - have it recovered into a great piece that fits your joined decor.
- It's true, they don't make things like they used to.
- Look for different uses or places for decorations that no longer work. Don't be afraid to use that living room chair in a bedroom as a reading area. The vase in the dining room may look great in your new guest room.
Step 13
Account for clothes and personal items. Consider where you will store these. You'll both need a plan for where you will keep these things.
- You may be used to free rein with closet space before the merge. Now you may need to rotate seasonal items and store some items that aren't used so everyone has space.
- Consider boxing up or using vacuum compaction bags to store things you don't wear often.
Step 14
Go through linens, garden tools, pots, pans and all of the smaller items. Keep the quality items and combine them. Discard the torn or damaged items.
Step 15
De-junk before you merge. You'll have enough to worry about consolidating everything. You don't need to contend with junk. Make sure you each take time to eliminate clutter so you aren't combining it. You'll end up with double the junk and clutter when you're done.
- This is an excellent time to toss any items left behind by exes. Better to get rid of it now than explain later.
- Organize your files and records. Determine what is safe to shred if you have multiple years of financial records.
- Get rid of or store any items you don't want to become common property. Since you're living together you can't expect the same privacy and the ability to keep certain items secret. If you've got anything embarrassing you should think twice before taking it.
- Start de-cluttering now. Don't wait until you start packing for the move.
Step 16
Purge before you merge
- Throw a garage sale and get rid of the junk and the extra items. Use your profits to buy fun new pieces to pull your varying collection together.
- Donate items to charity that won't be used and can't be sold. Keep your receipts and take the tax deduction.
- Trade, sell or get a store credit for duplicate CD's, movies, books and other media. Many stores, especially local music stores, deal with new and used. This is a great task to do pre-move since it usually goes ignored after the move.
Step 17
Plan your move carefully. If you are moving into a new place you'll actually be moving twice, once for each person.
- Even if you are moving into your partner's existing home, one of you must move a distance but the other will have the moving mess and boxes to contend with.
Step 18
Pack early enough so you can both pack each of the individual homes.
- You can decide which items will be destined for certain rooms and stowed accordingly.
- It may be easier for one person to pack their items but the other person should assist.
- What is in the living room in a current home may be destined for the garage in your shared home. Pack and clearly label the boxes accordingly or you'll have a lot of rearranging to do.
Step 19
Invite a friend to help. You may be a great decorator but it's hard to be objective. Even the most skilled decorators benefit from a fresh perspective. You may have never considered how some pieces do and don't work together. Your friend doesn't need to be a great decorator, just someone who can help you think differently.
Step 20
Share the space and don't dictate. Make sure everyone has their own contribution to the home. One person shouldn't take over. Both of you should feel at home.
- If one person has considerably more property than the other it is even more important to include them in the decorating decisions for both the existing items and new items to pull the place together.
- Allow the person with fewer items to contribute by giving them the freedom to select decor, layout or even to decorate their own personal space. For example: office, reading nook, gym area, etc.
- Men sometimes defer to the woman when decorating. You should continue to ask his opinions and preferences. It makes for a mutual home later.
- Don't make the experience regretful by being a control freak.
Step 21
Create space where you each feel comfortable. This can be challenging when one is moving into the other's home.
- If your home is more feminine convert a guest room into a den where he can relax and do guy things.
- If the home is more masculine she should be allowed to bring in art, flowers or decorate rooms that suit her taste as well.
- Your lifestyle is about to change. Being open minded and accepting makes it easier.
Step 22
Look for decorative accents and accessories. Often the small details can bring conflicting styles together.
Step 23
Combining drastically different styles isn't a bad thing. Sometimes you end up with a great, eclectic collection.
Step 24
Merge! Celebrate and enjoy your new life as a live-in couple.
Tips
- Estimate how much storage each person will require. You aren't just merging furniture and appliances. Everyone has stuff.
- Tossing items that were hand me downs or gifts from family may not be the best solution. Call siblings, parents, etc. to see if they want the items back since you won't have room. Sometimes items are given away thinking they will be kept in the family. Don't assume it's right for you to give it away.
- Don't forget to go through boxes of holiday ornaments if you've had special holidays with exes. It's awkward to decorate your first tree and realize there is a "Couple's First Christmas" ornament that doesn't represent the two of you.
- What's important to one may seem trivial to another. If your box of comics from childhood should not be mistaken for trash you should let the other person know.
- Merging is time to make sure you don't have framed pictures of you and exes. Stick the photo in an album and reuse the frame.
- If someone is moving in with you take the time to make room for them in clothing and coat closets, medicine cabinets, linen closets, storage areas, drawers, etc. Clean up and organize before they get there.
- A merge is a stressful move. Take a few minutes after the move to celebrate the merge. Give your partner a potted plant or something else for the home. You can also open a great bottle of wine or take time away for a romantic dinner to celebrate.
- Some charity thrift stores will pick up furniture items but you may need to call them several weeks to two months in advance. Call and set a date even if you only have a few pieces, you will have time to add to it.
- After the merge look for something you can buy for your home that is yours together as a new household.
- Many upholstered pieces have extra strip or swatch of fabric attached. Look underneath the furniture or check under the cushions where the seat and back meet. You can clip a swatch from this or look in a hidden area (under the piece) where you can take a sliver of the fabric. You may need to trim it from the excess 1/8" on the skirt hem. Use caution so you don't damage the furniture. Some pieces come with extra fabric pieces in case you need a swatch or extra fabric to make a patch. You can also see if swatches are still available where the piece was purchased.
- Send out change of address cards. Use caution before announcing you are living together to everyone you know. Some conservative thinkers and family members may have issues with such an arrangement pre-marriage.
Warnings
- Don't make all the decisions and shut the other person out. It's their home too.
- Discuss bills and how you will handle financial decisions upfront. Financial distress is the number one reason for marital upsets.
Things You'll Need
- Notebook to keep ideas and details handy
- Items to combine
