How to survive a bad table at a wedding

Learn how to survive a bad table at a wedding. Your nearest and dearest are enjoying newly-wedded bliss, and you're suffering at a table of freaks. It's time to call on your social survival skills.

You Will Need

* A sense of humor
* A good attitude
* Booze

Step 1. Smile

Smile. Your newly married pals thoughtfully seated you at a table of mutants, but if you’re smiling, no one can tell that you’re fantasizing about your sweet, sweet revenge.

Step 2. Adopt a new persona

Embrace your theatrical side. If you’ve ever wanted to try out that Australian accent, or fake a career in the music industry, or change your name to “Viper,” now’s the time.

Step 3. Mingle

There’s nothing wrong with a little table-hopping. Visit your friends across the dance floor frequently, and keep them updated with the best instances of weirdness from your table.

If you’re totally on your own, excuse yourself and call a friend who can help you laugh about your predicament.

Step 4. Get tipsy

If you’re over 21, a well-timed cocktail may put you in a better mood. If nothing else, it’ll give you an excuse to escape your table, visit the bar, and meet that cute bartender.

Don’t get wasted. You’ll unwittingly become one of the weirdos you’ve been trying to avoid.

Step 5. Forget English

The guy sitting next to you has been talking your ear off since the best man’s toast. Make it clear that you don’t speak his language.

Step 6. Fake a believable illness

Are you mildly allergic to the cake? Does restless leg syndrome force you to keep moving? Pick an ailment, and stick with it.

FACT: According to a survey, one of the top ten complains from wedding guests is “being seated at a table where you know no one.”