How to bounce a drunk

A guest didn't know when to say when? Here's how to give him or her the old heave-ho.
You Will Need
* A clear head
* A firm manner
* And reasoning skills
* A large set of muscles
* And a little chicanery

Step 1
Pay attention. The loudmouth slamming beers in the corner could quickly turn into a problem.

Step 2
Issue a warning. Tell the problem drunk that if the bad behavior continues, he will have to leave.

Step 3
Cut him off. If he can’t get more booze, he’s apt to leave on his own.

Cut him off without his knowledge. Offer to make him a Long Island Iced Tea—a lethal drink notorious for not tasting like booze—but give him plain tea instead.

Step 4
Calmly explain it’s in the person’s best interest to go home—he won’t embarrass himself, have a hangover, piss off his girlfriend. The best bouncers aren’t brutes—they’re good talkers.

Step 5
Borrow this old bouncer trick known as “turning up the fuzz.” Turn the static on the stereo way up, and the music way down. He’ll be so uncomfortable he’ll want to leave—and everyone else will want him to, too.

Convey authority by standing up straight, keeping your chin up, and speaking in a clear, strong voice. And having the biggest guy in the room stand behind you doesn’t hurt, either.

Step 6
Use the professional bouncer’s favorite parting line: “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

Step 7
Time for drastic measures. Take his or her coat and belongings and place them outside the door.

Step 8
Don’t be afraid to call the police. The last thing you need is an angry drunk waiting for you outside!

Fact: In bar circles, rum and coke is known as “the fighter’s drink,” because the alcohol loosens inhibitions and the sugar and caffeine rile up emotions.