How to ask someone to be quiet in a movie theater

Learn how to ask someone to be quiet in a movie theater.

Don’t you just hate it when a fellow moviegoer provides a running commentary? Here’s how to silence the squawker.

You Will Need

* Self-control
* Persistence
* The ability to confront a stranger
* The help of the theater’s management

Step 1. Identify the evildoer

Positively identify the miscreant. You don’t want to wrongly accuse someone who appears to be speaking, but is actually just chewing his popcorn aggressively.

Step 2. Consider moving seats

See if there’s a seat you can move to without much fuss. In these situations, an avoidance maneuver is always preferable to a confrontation.

Step 3. Assess your adversary

Assess your adversary. Does the loudmouth have tattoos that might have been acquired in prison? An aura of insanity? A weapon? If so, it’s probably best to wait until the movie comes out on DVD.

Step 4. Start out nicely

Begin with a polite approach. In a soft, calm voice, explain that while you are impressed with how well he is following the plot, you’d appreciate it if he’d keep his observations to himself.

Step 5. Kick it up a notch

If he ignores you, raise your voice a notch and say you are begging him to pipe down, as you paid good money to hear Daniel Day-Lewis’s voice, not his.

Step 6. Complain to management

If nothing is getting through to this chucklehead, complain to management. Even if the “manager” is a pimple-faced teen, he has the authority to throw out unruly customers.

Step 7. Request a refund

If all your efforts have led to naught, plus you’ve missed a good chunk of the movie, politely request a refund. If you come off as reasonable, you might even score some free passes.

Fact: Action movies and those with a PG rating are the most likely to have problems with audience behavior, according to officials at one large movie-theater chain.