Friendships between girls can become very close, and you see that reflected in the body language, eye contact, and verbal language. However, there is a thin line between close friends and lesbians. If you suspect that your best friend may be a lesbian, or just want to learn how to spot the difference, then this is the article for you.
Step 1
Watch the body language. This is usually a definite giveaway. Does your friend brush against you or touch you very often? Does she often stand very close to you, and look at you a lot? Test this out when you're together, and test this out when you see her with other girls. Make sure you don't make a mistake though. Sometimes she may just be looking at you because you're wearing a new outfit, and brushing against someone is an action used with most, if not all good friends.
Step 2
Think about the way she talks. Does she often hit on you or other girls jokingly? Is she flirtatious? Consider the way she is when talking to other girls - how close she is, her eye contact, and read her body language. Think about all of it carefully and see if anything is crossing the friendship line.
Step 3
Check for rainbows. Rainbows (a lot of the time with only six colors) are a gay/lesbian symbol. Many gay people wear a rainbow bracelet, anklet and/or necklace. Other places where people place "pride" rainbows are: on bumper stickers, on clothing, in/as tattoos, on backpacks, on laptops, etc. Keep your eyes peeled for them - but don't jump to conclusions.
Step 4
Watch her reaction to people who are gay/lesbian. Does she seem absolutely disgusted about it or is she relaxed? Use your brains, though; sometimes she may be pretending to be disgusted with the idea in an effort to hide her true feelings. She may also be lesbian if she seems very uptight and nervous about the topic. Be sure to take into account what kind of a person she is. In addition, many straight people are unaffected by exposure to gays and lesbians, so be careful to factor this into your conclusion.
Step 5
Be forthright and ask. If, after looking for these signs, you still aren't sure, and even if you are 99 percent sure, you need to ask her. Be careful though, it may be a touchy subject if she is still confused or feels cornered by your question. If you do ask, make sure it is in a way that makes it clear that you'll be supportive of her, whatever she answers.
Step 6
Have they ever kissed you. If so find out if it was a joke, or if she was wanting it. You never know the truth if you don't ask.
Tips
- Let her know that she can tell you anything and that you'll be her friend no matter what. But don't beat her over the head with this line. She may get suspicious, irritated or feel pressured.
- Do not assume that someone is gay/les/bi because they support those kinds of rights.
- If she is gay don't run a mile be relaxed about it.
Warnings
- Do not use words such as "queer" "dyke" and "butch" unless you are absolutely sure that she is not offended by such words. Never use them in a derogatory way. If you come off as a bigot or prejudiced towards gay,bi, and/or lesbian people, there is very small chance of her coming out to you if she is les/bi.
- Do not assume that she is attracted to you just because you are a girl.
- Never try to 'convert' one of your lesbian friends, because it will not work! If you're a true friend, your friendship will stand beyond your personal attitudes about a person's sexuality. If you respect her as a person, she will do the same, despite if your opinions are different! She doesn't want to be converted into a straight person any more than you want to be converted into a gay/les/bi person.
- Remember that she may be closeted and show none of these signs. You cannot know for sure unless she tells you.
- Also remember that some people show many of these signs even when they aren't gay/les/bi. The best way to find out is to ask in a non-confrontational way that doesn't require her to respond if she doesn't want to. Do not ruin a friendship by making ultimatums to satisfy your curiosity.
- Remember that sexual orientation is about self-identity. If she tells you her sexual orientation, do not doubt or question her, but respect how she would like to be identified.
- Now if she is frank and comes out and tells you that she likes you be sure to be nice, understanding, and suportive even if you are really losing it inside. Tell her "I am and still want to be your friend." If she insists or becomes depresed change the subject talk about a test at school or one of the evil teachers at school. If you two are true friends YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS TRUST ME!!!!
- Now on the off chance she is suicidal be extra carful with your words and if she is then you should know what to tell her she is YOUR friend afterall.
- Sometimes you might just jump to extreme conclusions just because you read this online. Many times you won't want to ask straightforward, but giving hints of suspision. Try not to even ask her, and just to let her get around to teling you.
