Everyone who learns Japanese in a classroom come out speaking like the guy in the textbook--"Is this a pen?" "This is a mechanical pencil." "I enjoy the fine fall air." This will not endear you to the Japanese. You must attempt to sound natural!
Step 1
Use desu or masu forms less, unless you just met someone or are talking to someone older than you.
Step 2
Drop particles. For example: "Sushi, taberu?" instead of "sushi o tabemasho ka?" Again, unless the person is someone you just met or really respect.
Step 3
Use plenty of end-of-sentence particles. The more the better! Sou desu yo ne! Well, sometimes. No one wants to listen to "blah blah blah right. blah blah blah eh." Use them sparingly. Like, if you use them in one sentence, don't use them again till 2 sentences later.
Step 4
Announce yourself on the phone with "Watashi desu kedo" or "moshi moshi".
Step 5
Never use Watashi wa, Kore wa, etc unless it is super unclear who you are talking about. Instead of Kore wa use the proper name--it's more polite and natural. With your buddies you can refer to others as koitsu or aitsu but keep in mind these words are so informal so as to be rude in some situations.
Step 6
Only say anata if you are asking a stranger a question. People usually refer to their friends as omae or kimi, but don't do that unless you're really good friends.
Step 7
Learn the local ben. You may find yourself saying "Taberaru ma!" instead of "Tabenasai." People will be more comfortable around you.
Step 8
Put a slight 'n' sound before a 'g' sound. Warning: this is quite Inakamono but to those from the countryside, also very natsukashii.
Step 9
Pronounce words the way they were intended! Actually pronounce that long oo or chisai tsu. Say Toukyo the way the Japanese do. This is a little advanced, but learn about devoiced vowels and pronounce the words correctly. For example, 'kishi' (coast) is pronounced 'kshi'--ever notice that? And 'suki' (like) is pronounced ski. Most U sounds are either barely pronounced or silent.
Step 10
Say "anou", "etou", or "ja" when you need some time to think of a response. These translate to the equivalent of "um", "uh", and "well then". Throw 'kedo' in anywhere you please, but beware, too many kedos sounds like a teenagerish "like...like...like" in English.
Tips
- Remember, it's a pitch accent, not a stress accent. When Japanese actors want to imitate a foreigner, they speak Japanese with a stress accent. Always gets a laugh.
- If your Japanese is poor, you can fake sounding smart and cool by putting in a lot of English words. The trick is to use EASY words everyone knows and pronounce them katakana-ish. For example, you could say 'YOU wa Eigo ga SO GOOD desu! Honto ni YOU ARE GOOD' They understand, they feel smart, they think you are smart. No work on your part.
Warnings
- Ignore these rules while talking to your boss, collegues at work you don't know too well, the lady at the bank, the Prime Minister, etc. Speak hyojungo with them.
Things You'll Need
- Basic knowledge of Japanese
- Japanese people
- It helps to be so immersed in Japanese culture and bad grammar that you forget how to speak properly anyway.
