Starting intimate relationships with a person you like is a serious choice. However the first step may leave some room for thinking over. The decision you make about your first time can have a crucial effect not only on your relationships but on your whole future life, leaving whether sad or pleasant emotions.
Step 1
Define the stage of your relationship with your partner. Do you know this person well enough? Are you open with each other? First time sex may turn out to be not so smooth and pleasant and the person with whom you are going to have first time sex is about to leave memories for you which are not likely to fade. That's why you are the one to choose. Will this be a person you'd better forget or will this interlude recall pleasant emotions later ?
Step 2
Put your values in order. Ask yourself what pushes you to have sex with this person: curiosity, desire or wish to prove everyone you are mature enough. The consequences of your first sexual experience will most probably reflect those reasons. Consider religious views and values as a couple; some religions prohibit or discourage pre-marital sex. Is this a decision you will regret later?
Step 3
Discuss sex-related topics. This may seem intimidating at first, but is very helpful in getting to know the other person better. Besides it may give you some idea on what to expect from your first sexual experience. Talk about sex related topics so sex will be a comfortable topic between you and your partner.
Step 4
Plan ahead. You don't want to have to make an emergency condom run at the last minute. Get a few condoms and/or other safer sex supplies (like dental dams or saran wrap, lubricant, gloves, female condoms, etc.) and put them somewhere discreet but easily accessible. For a woman having sex with a man, go on the pill, or find out how to get emergency contraception if you need it. (It might be worth buying some in advance, but only as backup!)
Step 5
Imagine the whole process. Once you had your imaginary first time experience scrolled in your head, you will realize it is not so scary and you have plenty time at your disposal to make it just great.
Step 6
Think if you are physically and mentally ready to have sex. Some people claim they are ready to have sex at age 16 others are ready at age 20. Nobody can tell when someone will be ready, it can be different for everyone. The only person who will know when is you! If you have any doubts, then you are probably not ready for sex yet.
Step 7
Are you sure that you have chosen the right partner? Just because he or she is your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't mean that you have to have sex with them. Don't feel pressured. Think about these things: Is he or she the one for me? Do I want to have sex with him/her? And most importantly you have to feel good with the person of your choice, if you feel awkwardly towards him/her then you may not want to have sex with them.
Step 8
Know the risks and consequences of having sex. You can get pregnant or get sexually transmitted diseases from sex. You are not immune to any of them so you need to take precautions. Remember girls, you can get pregnant anytime you have unprotected sex even if it is the first time. So don't forget to use a condom and a birth control pill.
Step 9
Do you feel pressured to have sex? If the answer is yes , then start thinking about if it's the right time for it. It should be your decision and nobody else's.
Step 10
Does your partner feel pressured to have sex? Again, this is their decision and it's important that you respect it. Legally, they only have to "consent", but "enthusiastic consent" or "assent" makes for a better experience for both of you.
Step 11
Make sure that you feel comfortable about having sex. Think if you really want to have sex in a car, wouldn't it be more relaxing and comfortable in a bed?
Step 12
Take your time. If you finally choose to have sex for the first time, then take it easy, you don't have to rush anything, take time to discover each others body, this way you and your partner will enjoy it much better.
Step 13
Don't be disappointed. If the first time didn't work out then don't be let down. Its normal that the first time isn't so good. You have to discover each others body yet. Remember that it will be better after a few tries.
Tips
- Some people feel conflicted about having sex before marriage. If your beliefs tell you to avoid sexual activity, consider the decision carefully.
- Remember that sex can strengthen a relationship, but it won't bring two strangers closer. Sexual satisfaction is not all about techniques and experience. Focus on finding a careful partner who respects your feelings rather than on having a perfect performance.
- Losing virginity shouldn't be a goal in itself, but rather a part of good and satisfying relationships. Most people who had unpleasant experience had claimed that the reason for dissatisfaction was: "too early" or "a wrong partner".
- Don't think of your first time sex as an exam you have to pass or a highly-qualified performance. This will increase tension and uneasiness which prevents you from making a well-thought decision. Keep in mind that in case something goes wrong, you can always put off sex and simply be affectionate to each other.
- If you are worried about "getting caught" you are almost certainly too young. The most difficult time to have sex you won't regret later is the time when you aren't mature enough to make the decision.
- If you're not old enough but your partner is, it is legally considered "statutory rape" which in many places carries the same penalty as any other form of rape. This applies regardless of which one is over the age of consent and which one is under.
- Get familiar with information about STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy. Having good sexual relationships is secondary to having good sexual health. Thus take responsibility for your own health and have contraceptives (i.e. condoms) handy.
- If it's your first time, relax. This is meant to be fun, not stressful.
- Don't worry if you don't know exactly what to do. You can always talk with your partner about what both of you like .
- If it's the girls first time, even if both of you were tested and are 100% sure you both are clean, still use a condom. It makes it less painful for her because it makes the penis a smooth surface instead of a bumpy one and it also desensitizes him, so he'll be more likely go slower instead of going all in. It pays to take your time and go as slow as possible for a girl.
- Another way to reduce pain for girls is to have her on top. That way, she'll be able to go at her own pace and what feels okay for her instead of having a clumsy guy do more damage than necessary.
- Knowledge of your own sexual orientation (homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, transgender) and that you are not having sex simply to prove to yourself or to someone else that you are one way or another. If you aren't at least fairly certain about your sexual orientation, you are probably not ready for sex.
- No one should be pressured or forced to have sex. Let it happen spontaneously and it will be fulfilling for both partners.
Warnings
- Having heterosexual sex always has a chance of resulting in pregnancy, even on your first time, except in cases where a partner is infertile or a girl is not yet cycling (if this is the case, you are too young; if you're over the age of 17, and still haven't got you period, talk to your doctor). But keep in mind that if you are between the ages of 13 and 16 and you haven't gotten your period yet, you can still get pregnant because you could start ovulating at any time (ovulation, or release of the egg, happens before you get your period). If you have gotten or period before but haven't gotten it since, you are still at risk of pregnancy. Be sure to practice safe sex and use contraception to help lower this chance.
- Don't make use of alcohol or drugs to reduce fear or anxiety. Being under the influence could cloud your perceptions as well as your judgment, also alcohol and some drugs have been known to cause impotency.
- Do not have sex if you may not legally give consent to your partner. The legal ages vary across jurisdictions, so make sure you're not violating local ones - this will get the person in trouble.
- Be careful with your decision when you're very young, especially if you are a teenager. Many young people who simply jump into a sexual relationship wind up having their feelings deeply hurt.
- Respect the other person. If it begins to feel weird to them and they ask you to stop, you should. Showing respect to your partner will make them feel more comfortable with you.
