Whether you're trying to get avoid school or work; just feel lazy and want to rest for the day; need to throw off your significant other so you can throw him or her a big surprise party or dinner or are playing a sick character in a play, knowing how to fake an illness can come in handy.
Step 1
Act sick the day before, Jog your memory. You've been sick before, and people have noticed. What did you feel like? More importantly, what did people notice the most when you were sick? What were you sick with at that time? It'll be much easier to convince people that you have that illness again rather than tackling a whole new ailment.
Step 2
Make you face pale. If you have green concealer, rub it on your cheeks and forehead to make you appear pale. Don't paint your face green, just slightly change the color of your skin.
Step 3
Fake a fever. If someone is going to take your temperature for evidence, then you'll need to know how to raise your temperature. Otherwise, making your face look flushed and feel hot will do the trick. This can be accomplished by rubbing your face vigorously with your hands; laying a heating pad over your face for a few minutes, or laying down on your back with you head hanging off the edge of your bed so that all the blood flows to it. Or, you could drink hot water before and then let them take it. Be careful though, sometimes water reaches well past 103.8 and your parents will make you go to the doctor who will tell them that nothing is wrong with you. Another way to fake your temperature is to put the thermometer on a light bulb for less than a second. You can always try again. Obviously, you can't do this if your parents take your temperature, or they stay in the room. Remember to put a light on that way it heats up.
Step 4
Pretend you're dizzy and lightheaded. This can be tricky if you don't remember what it feels like when it really happens. When you're by yourself, spin around until you get a little dizzy, then try walking around in private. Make note of how it feels and how you're acting. When you're in front of others, replicate that behavior, but only slightly. When you stand up at your desk, for example, pretend to lose your balance a little bit and put your hand on your desk to "regain" your balance.
Step 5
Act uncomfortable. People who are sick don't feel good, so don't joke around and laugh and smile too much. Give people the impression that you're disoriented and "in your own world". If you're the kind of person who gets cranky when you're sick, then get cranky. Don't take joy in the things you normally take joy in. If you're invited to the movies, and you usually love to go to the movies, turn it down because you're "feeling groggy". This will show people that you really do feel bad.
Step 6
Be sluggish. It's a natural reaction to want to rest and sleep a lot when you're sick. It's your body's way of giving itself time to fight the sickness and heal. Nod off or put your head down on your desk here and there. Whenever you're given the chance, curl up on the closest couch you can find. Don't go running or to the gym.
Step 7
Fake nausea or indigestion. Display a decline in appetite -- only pick at your food so that others notice and perhaps ask. If you're at home, and eating soup, put broth in your mouth and pretend like you swallowed it. Then make your cheeks wide, and bring the broth back up and run to the bathroom, and spit it in the toilet. You can also make fake vomit and pour it in the toilet while you pretend to throw up. If you're at school, you can bring the fake vomit with you, but you risk getting caught with it. If you're at work, no one should want to see your supposed vomit anyway.
Step 8
Display the symptoms of a cold/flu. Breathe only through your mouth, as if your nose is stuffed. Wear many layers of clothing to show people that you're "freezing" since people who are sick often feel cold. Throw a couple of fake sneezes and coughs in there. Apply a small amount of toothpaste onto your bottom eyelids (so that it's near but not in your eyes) to make your eyes watery. Leave the toothpaste on for about three minutes--it will make your eyes feel like they're burning. Don't get it too close to your eyes, because then it'll get in your eyes when you blink. Throw in a few coughs and make people really believe you are feeling bad.
Tips
- Turn a ceiling fan on at night, it may cause you to cough and then you won't have to fake it.
Warnings
- You might be caught faking!
- Don't do this too often. You need to go to school.
- It may not be good to fake the flu now that the swine flu, because you could be sent to the doctor, and they would figure out there was nothing wrong with you. In this case, you would most likely be punished.
- Don't take any medicine for symptoms that you are only faking, it could be dangerous.
- If you do this too often and go to the nurse at school, someone might get suspicious so limit it to once a month.
