For the rare occasions when your beer goggles score and leave you in the dark.
Step 1
You will most likely wake up in horror with flashbacks of Jagermeister and Bon Jovi swimming around your head. Don't panic. There's no telling the mistakes the human brain is capable of making while under pressure.
Step 2
Book it. Fast. Preferably before the sun comes up. What is a simple brunch invitation one morning could be a trip to Zales the next.
Step 3
If you are too inebriated to get up, go ahead and sleep awhile longer. But DON'T lead him on. Flattery is fun but remember (if you can): this cuddly character was the one scheming to make sure you didn't make it home.
Step 4
When you decide to make your escape, there is a chance he will wake up while you are peeling yourself from the sweaty, vice-like confines of his arm. Just casually say you have to go. You don't owe him a reason.
Step 5
Do not, under any circumstances give him your number. It's the information age and there's no telling what a desperate man is capable of. Especially if he's apparently capable of waxing his own chest.
Step 6
Make sure you don't leave anything behind. This is especially important because many douchebags take that as a sign you want to see them again. And if your leave-behind is important enough to you, you will be seeing him again.
Step 7
Do a walk-through before you leave to inspect for the rare presence of a hot, less douchy roommate. If such a specimen were to inhabit the residence, the "how we met" story will be that much better in the future.
Step 8
As for the inevitable walk of shame, don't wear any of his clothing home. Again, his offering of Phi Sigma Phi sweatpants may seem sweet, but it is a carefully designed strategy to guarantee another meeting between the two of you.
Step 9
Now that you're in the clear, it is of paramount importance that you go home with your head held high. It could have been better but hey, the rest of your friends went home alone and woke up in a pile of cheese-steak wrappers with their eyes crusted shut.
Step 10
Make sure you understand that everbody makes mistakes sober or drunk. We are only human and our errors usually help us learn significant lessons.
