How To Cook Food in a Hotel Room

Lots of travelers, particularly those on business, find themselves stuck in hotels for weeks or months on end. The novelty of eating every meal at a restaurant soon wears off, and the traveller craves nothing more than a home cooked meal. However, in-room resources at many hotels appear to be incapable of facilitating cooking. This can be resolved in several innovative ways, which you should practice at home, and which you're really supposed to ask the hotel permission to do (and they'll probably say no).

Breakfast

1. Make oatmeal in the coffee maker. Put two packets of instant oatmeal into the carafe. Add an individual packet of honey, an individual packet of fruit jam, and a pinch of salt. Put an herbal tea bag (e.g. orange flavored) into the filter basket. Pour 8-10 ounces of water into the coffee maker, turn on the machine, and the oatmeal will be ready in about 5 minutes. 
2. Cook bacon with the iron. Cut bacon strips in half and place them between two foil sheets. Crimp the edges of the foil sheets together to prevent grease from spilling out. Iron the bacon, opening the packet carefully with a fork every few minutes to check to see if the bacon is done and to let out the steam. It'll take about 10 minutes to get slightly crisp bacon.
3. Use the iron as a hotplate for eggs. Prop the iron so that the ironing surface is horizontal. Make a little foil pan and grease it with bacon fat or butter. Crack one or two eggs into it and wait 7-10 minutes (until the eggs hold together) then flip them over to cook on the other side.
4. Prepare soft-boiled eggs in the coffee maker. Place the eggs carefully into the carafe and let the hot water drip over them. Then let the eggs sit in the water for a few minutes. 

Lunch/Dinner

1. Prepare ramen noodles in the coffee maker. Put the noodles in the carafe. Add enough water to submerge the noodles and turn the coffee maker on. After the water runs through the coffee maker, let the noodles soak in it for about three minutes, or however long it takes for the noodles to soften. Then drain carefully and add the seasoning. 
2. Make a grilled cheese sandwich using the iron. You can also use the same method to make a quesadilla. There is also the dessert version of grilled cheese, using peanut butter and chocolate chips.
3. Use the iron as a skillet/grill. Wrap chicken, fish, vegetables, etc. in foil, place the foil-wrapped food on the ironing board, and put the iron, on the highest setting, over the top. Just make sure the foil is sealed so that juices don't come out and ruin the iron or the surface you're cooking on. The more cooking that the food requires, the less room there is for error, so try to stick with food that only needs searing, such as scallops.
4. Use the coffee maker as a vegetable steamer. Place carrots, broccoli, etc. in the filter basket of the coffee maker. Run water through the coffee maker several time to achieve desired tenderness. 
5. Make instant rice in the coffee maker. Run the appropriate amount of water, per the instructions on the rice package, through the coffee maker and then add the rice to the coffee pot. Leave the burner on until the rice has thoroughly cooked and absorbed most of the water.
6. Make sauce in the coffee maker. Sauces and fondues can be made by running water through the coffee maker and adding the heated water to a sauce mix. You should never run anything other than water through the coffee maker. These machines are made to heat water only, the water comes into direct contact with the heating element. Sauces will burn onto the heating element, ruining the coffee maker.
7. Lemon Pepper Chicken- Place chicken breast in coffee maker. Add enough water to cover about 1/4 of chicken. Sprinkle with lemon pepper seasoning. Turn on maker and cook about 15 min per side. Add milk and butter to remaining liquid, allow to heat for about a minute, and add potato flakes for a quick side of mashed potatoes.

Tips

• After you're finished, clean the coffee maker thoroughly.
• These tactics may also prove helpful to a college student living in a dorm with strict regulations.
• Use the ice bucket as a salad bowl
• Plates, cups, utensils, and condiments can often be obtained if your hotel has a breakfast buffet.

Warnings

• Thoroughly clean anything which has contacted raw poultry or meat as failure to do this may result in salmonella.
• Do not allow any uncleaned surface or appliance to contact food which you intend to eat
• Clean out the coffee pot and filter before attempting to cook with it. You don't want your steamed cauliflower to taste like three week old coffee!
• Be aware that the hot iron does present a fire hazard. Make sure to use extra caution and never let children cook alone.
• While cooking, do not leave electric devices unattended even for a short time.
• If the coffee pot has a dark, reddish-orange stain, it might've been used to brew methamphetamine, and the resulting coffee could be hazardous to your health. If there's a chemical smell in the room, that's another red flag.
• If you ruin something that the hotel owns the hotel will charge a LOT to replace the broken item. So be careful!