This is a brief introduction to being a fan of the Chicago White Sox. It will help you fit in when you're at a game at the Cell.
Step 1
Wear as much black as possible. You want to intimidate other team's fans by looking like members of Darth Vader's army and the good guys always wear black. The Cell also looks better when everyone is dressed in black, plus the color makes you look slimmer, and is easy to find to find in stores. Team wear is fine too.
Step 2
Never smile or look happy. As a White Sox fan, you are constantly oppressed by the league, by Chicago Cubs fans, by the media and by baseball commentators and will never find joy. Remember, everyone in Chicago really loves the Cubs, so having a chip on your shoulder is essential if you want to look legitimate. However, you can actually be happy if you want.
Step 3
Always pick on the fans of other teams for things that they have no control over. IE. To a Twin's fan: "At least we have a real ballpark!" or to a Tampa fan: "At least we have a real ballpark and people watch our games!"
Step 4
Always bring up the 2005 World Series. Completely disregard the fact that other teams have won the series before and after your team. FUN FACT: some teams have actually won the world series MULTIPLE times since 1917!
Step 5
Always defend your player's actions, no matter how ridiculous they are. IE. "A.J. needed to stomp on Morneau's ankle because it had a Spider on it! Everyone knows Justin is like really afraid of Spiders! DUH!"
Step 6
If Chicago Cubs fans bring up the Black Sox Scandal, point out that the government of Cook County had looked into the 1918 Chicago Cubs World Series appearance and it is generally accepted that the Chicago Cubs intentionally lost that series. If they question that, point out the baseball was full of cheaters in the first two decades of the century.
Step 7
When you're having general conversations about sports in Chicago, put down the Chicago Cubs in order to establish yourself as a serious Sox fan and lover of Chicago sports.
Step 8
When going to White Sox games, take the El. You get to bond with other fans.
Step 9
Don't only diss the Cubs. There are plenty of more strong rivalries that the Sox have. The Twins, Indians, Tigers, and Royals are some people we don't like. Take a swing at them.
Tips
- Always shop the sales. Don't pay full price for your White Sox gear. That's insane.
- Don't wear old jerseys for so-so players to US Cellular Field. That's tacky and makes you look like a loser.
Warnings
- You'll likely garner hatred from the fans of other teams. That's okay though, that's what it means to be a Sox fan.
