Ever been at a party and that complete weirdo from your Math class comes over to talk to you and you don't know how to get out of it? Acting totally drunk is a sure fire way to avoid any conversation or any other awkward situation you can think of!
Step 1
What drunks do is try to act sober, so to act drunk, you must incorporate the affects specifically where they affect you and then try to act like you're sober.
Step 2
Let out random expletives. You probably know some good ones. These work best when fired as an insult at an innocent bystander.
Step 3
Let your eyes glaze over slightly and roll your eyeballs a bit. Try and act as nonchalant as a stoned Rastafarian.
Step 4
When other party goers tell you that you are drunk, you must deny this completely and utterly.
Step 5
Be touchy feely. Now you are at a party, it is completely acceptable to hug anyone and everyone even if you have never spoken to them before!
Step 6
Speak in a low relaxed tone, this will show that you are feeling a bit slow (one of the many effects of alcohol). If you can, try leaning on someone you knows shoulder and relax to show you are having a good time.
Step 7
Don't try to "over do" the drunken act, this might leave you in some pits where you don't want to fall in.
Step 8
Find yourself a chair and slump yourself in it allowing one hand to fall onto your reproductive region and the other onto your thigh, preferably with your thumb pointing 90 degrees to your other hand. Stare lustfully at everything that goes past you, your tongue slightly lolling out of your mouth. Groan periodically. Every party has it's own resident perv.
Step 9
Lose your balance altogether. Imagine every wall pulling you towards it and neither wall is managing to win.
Step 10
Find some stairs and lie on them. Stairs are a magnet for drunken fools.
Step 11
And finally if you do unfortunately find yourself roped into a conversation, remember these rules: Think of 3 adjectives and look around the room for the first object you see. Point at it and describe it to the person you are talking to only using your 3 adjectives and the terms "thingy" "whatchamacallit" and "you-know-whats."
Tips
- If you are playing the perv role, ensure as a man, you only focus on the torso or alternatively as a woman, focus primarily on the abdomen.
- Stick to your limits (in what you do when your acting drunk) as you might be caught and laughed upon.
Warnings
- Do not insult people by touching them in private regions even if you are playing the perv role! This will result in a slap or a call for the police.
- Be sure to keep up the charade for if people find out you are not drunk, they will laugh at you.
- Never say "Oh my god I'm so drunk." A good drunk never admits to intoxication.
- Don't act totally drunk and don't be aggressive or anything. If you do so, a member at the party might call the police and you might get in trouble with the law.
